Mama & I in Baguio 2008
Of course, hindi ko pinalagpas ang “Mother’s Day kanina without greeting my very own and very dear Mom — si “Mama / Lola Gin” ng bayan! hahaha Actually, I started greeting her with a kiss and hug na Friday pa lang.. And I even planned to send her a bouquet of flowers sana, ‘cuz I thought I will be in Baguio this weekend (kaso ginulo ni “Emong the bagyo” and schedule ko)… Syempre, gusto ko din sana mag eat out kami ni Mama, which is our favorite gimik, but she will be going to CBC aside sa bangag siya kanina ‘cuz 2am ng Sunday nagk-kwentuhan pa kami while I’m eating instant bulalo.hehe So I end up buying her a bouquet of flowers at Holland Tulips instead, at yun ang uwi ko sa kanya kanina.
Well, what’s great about Mama is her SIMPLICITY. Sa lahat ng nakakakilala sa kanya –you definitely know what I mean. hahaha Mababaw si Mama. You can easily make her happy just by giving her anything -kahit chocnut! (but take note friends, BAWAL yun sa kanya ha!) Kahit ano ata ang ibigay at gawin ko sa kanya, she’s very appreciative –syempre anak ako eh! haha
Also, she wears just about anything. Hindi nga yan bumibili ng damit niya eh. Ok na sa kanya basta na-su-suot. hahaha It’s like she’s so satisfied with what she has kahit simple lang. Moreover, she’s very frank. She can tell you her thoughts and feelings with gentleness and love, maging negative man yun. At ang dialogue niya lagi ‘pag nagk-kwento –” Pwede na’ko mamatay ‘cuz God is so good to me. I’m so much satisfied with my life!” hehe
Obviously, I inherit some of my MUSICALITY sa kanya (aside from Dada). She’s a pianist. Kaya ako nahilig sa piano eh dahil sa kanya. Kuya and I grew up na nakapaligid sa amin ang “music” –literally! hahaha Kaya I was not surprised at all at pareho kaming Music Major. Kaloka! hehehe
Likewise, I was not surprised as well when Kuya and I studied at FEBIAS — it’s because of Mama’s SPIRITUALITY. Mama taught us to memorize a lot of Bible verses and Bible stories when we were kids. May kasamang handicrafts at games din dun syempre. Parang meron kaming sariling Vacation Bible School sa bahay ‘pag summer..haha I began reading my first Bible because of her encouragements when I was a kid. And I thank God for those moments dahil kung hindi doon eh pariwara na’ko ’til now! Believe me! hahaha And yes, whenever I think of the word “prayer” hindi ko maaalis na idikit si Mama. I’ve learned the importance of prayer from her. Kuya and I are very aware that she’s been praying for us always. If not for her constant prayers –specially for me –pariwara nga talaga ako up to now! Sa mga nakakakilala sa akin — you know what I mean…hehehe Sorry naman at normal lang ako. Tao lang. haha Nagloko din sa buhay noon. (Eh ngayon kaya?!? hahaha)
You know, I can go over and over and write about my Mom. But I guess baka mapuno ko ang spot na’to bago ko matapos. You see I have lots of “moments” with her. Almost everyday may bonding moments kami! We can talk about anything under the sun. She’s my dearest friend, my listener, my counselor, my manager (’pag walang pera haha), my coffeemate / tea-mate, my commentator, my inspiration, and a lot more… In other words, “SHE’S A GREAT BLESSING FROM GOD!!! AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!” Kaya for me everyday is Mother’s Day. I never let a day go by without giving her a hug and a kiss. At alam niya yun kung bakit…, so if it’s time for her to go HOME na — I have lots of special memories with her to remember! And I can say to myself, “Nikki, you don’t have to be very sad. You did everything to let her know you love her so much.”
...with my mom during Ethan's Dedication CCBC
...with my favorite pianist and piano teacher
...with my proud Mom after Kuya
...with Mama at FEBIAS Choral Fest (sing kami ng alto part)
...with Peegee (center)
...At Mall of Asia
airsoft day
Just two Saturdays ago I cried. When i arrived home I knew there’s something missing. After closing the gate sadness swept me away. I was greeted by Dada and Mama as I went inside the house. Then they told me ” Yahoo’s gone..” I only answered ” I know” and then all of a sudden tears began to flow from my eyes. Then I said, while crying and laughing at the same time, ” Kahit inaaway ako ni baby dog, mahal ko pa din yun!” hahaha funny but it’s true…..
Well, life goes on kaya buhay naman ang pagusapan natin. What’s new? Hmmmmm…. ah yes, I joined Erika’s upcoming conducting recital kaya busy ang weekends sa rehearsals. And before pa nangyari yun, nag-help ako sa pag-conduct ng choir rehearsals ng CBC choir while Erika’s away para sa kanilang Coro Cantabile Tour. Isa lang naman ako sa tumulong ‘cuz Kuya Iggy and Yda also had their share of teaching them. Enjoy ako ‘cuz na-miss ko magturo at na-miss ko ang CBC choir of course. At syempre, because of that nakapag-chikahan kami ni Misha — ang bagay na sobrang na-miss ko! hahaha
Also, I’m now attending GCF Northwest. God willing, ito na nga ang church that I’ve been praying for –for almost 1 year na. Kaya for those who will be reading this recent blog — Please do pray with me on this one. Thank you so much!
So far, yan ang mga natatandaan ko ngayong isulat dito. hehehe Kaya yan na lang muna…. hehehe ulit
You may be wondering and asking by now…, “buhay pa kaya si nikki, di na nag-b-blog yun ha?!” hahaha buhay na buhay! huminto lang po mag-blog. At bakit? Silent lang muna ako… I don’t want to even talk about what’s in my mind… Parang di ako no? Well, I gotta admit masarap manahimik, magmunimuni, tapos manahimik lang ulit ng walang iniisip. But the truth is, whenever I’m alone I always find myself just talking to God —anything under the sun. In other words, meron pa rin pala akong iniisip hahaha. But talking to God is very relaxing. It energizes and refreshes me in ways I can’t explain. I guess, it’s what we call “being still”…
You know what’s more funny now? I stop reading books for awhile — I mean christian theological books that I used to devour everytime I had a break or during vacations. Para talagang di ako no? I know tataas ang kilay ng mga nakakakilala sa akin in a deeper level. Well, I stop reading those books for awhile not because I don’t like reading it at all. Nakatabi lang muna sila sa personal library ko at naghihintay na basahin muli pag handa na ako. hehehe Hmmmmm, wanna know why? Wala lang, I just want to read and learn the Bible myself. Medyo napagod akong ngatain at aralin ang mga nangata at naaral na ng mga very good and known authors ng mga librong ito. It’s about time to learn and discover new things about God and about life myself. Nakakasawa din pala yung lagi ka na lang may quotations from other people sa lahat ng mga lessons mo sa buhay at kay God. Masarap din pala na masakit din kapag you’re learning it yourself through God’s help and grace of course. Kasi very personal ang mga lessons. Mahirap ipaliwanag pero very precious pala ito. Kaya siguro nahinto din ako sa pag b-blog dahil hindi ko masulat ang lahat ng mga precious thoughts, lessons, realizations, painful truths, etc….., sa buhay ko. Sorry, if you find me strange right now…hehehe
Anyway, I’m speaking my mind right now again, don’t you think? I guess, I may be ready to speak again, or maybe not… But one thing i know, it’s not just my mind —’cuz this time I’m beginning to speak what’s in my heart as well……….
I guess marami ng nag-iisip kung ano na ang nangyayari sa beauty ko… Don’t worry, buhay na buhay pa ako! hahaha
So, what’s new? Well, I’m wearing braces na and also, gaining weight din –which I both don’t like. With regard to my new job in Emerson –God willing, regular na this coming May19. With regard to my family naman –watak watak na kami. Just kidding! And as for my ministry, I’m now outside of my comfort zone –which is medyo nakakatakot yet exciting. Indeed, there are lot of new things, new realizations, new lessons, new friends, new experiences and new paths to take…
However, despite all these "NEW CHUVANESES" in life —one thing is constant "God has been faithful to me". ‘Yan lang ang hindi bago at hindi magbabago. My journey last year had been so rough, edgy and painful (haller! I’m not talking about love life dito ha!). Ayoko ng balikan pa… NOW is the time to put the past behind, to let go and to strain toward to what’s ahead — by God’s grace alone. Nevertheless, to be honest, marami din akong na-mi-miss sa mga dati. Pero hindi na mababalik ang dati kailanman. I just need to learn to let go of all these "dati"… But of course, meron pa ding mga dati ang andito pa din — like my ever dear friends who never fail to keep in touch! (Like si friend ikakasal na! Weeeeeeeeee!)
Hmmmmmmmm…… ‘yun lang ang na-iisip ko ngayon. hehehe Please do pray for me continually. Pray for wisdom and discernment for God’s leading in my life. If there’s one thing I don’t want to happen in my life again —it’s ‘to be far away from God ulit!’
"I waited patiently for the Lord;
He turned to me and heard my cry…." Psalm 40:1
God seems so silent at times. But I’m very much sure that He is at work for my good and for His glory. I just need to trust Him completely and learn to entrust everything in His hands. And surely He will proved Himself over and over that He is Sovereign! And again and again I will say to myself "Indeed, God is worth the wait!"
Just like what happened these past few days. Indeed, it really pays to wait! hehehe
October 30: Ethan Mishael was finally born! We we’re all so excited when Dada and I brought Ate Weng to the hospital. Then Kuya Iggy arrived later from the youth camp at Cavite. Nag-bonding kami ni Kuya sa isang room habang nag l-labor na si Ate Weng with Doc Conie inside the labor room. We’ve been waiting for this moment to come! Finally it did arrived. Thank you, God! Ngayon may bagong laruan na naman sa bahay nila Kuya.:)
November 7: Sykes Asia called at past 11 am to inform me that I’ve been accepted. Hah! Finally, I’m accepted! I’ve been waiting for this for a month now. God knows how much I have struggled while waiting upon Him — for this job. But I’ve learned so much during my waiting period. I won’t trade it for anything. Indeed, "every perfect gift comes from above — from the Father of Light…" After that call, I can’t help but praise God for this answered prayer! Hindi na’ko nakatulog kahit 3 hours pa lang akong nakakatulog nun..hehehe
"Praise God from whom all blessings flow…" Thank you so much for everyone who have prayed with me. Let us give back all the glory to Him!!! Hallelujah!
So, what’s new? I am already a resigned full time staff ng CBC (effective nung October 1 pa). But of course, not in the worship/music ministry. I’m still very much active, though medyo hindi na masyadong napa-pagkita ang beauty ko sa tabi-tabi… Which I know naman na marami ang natutuwa…hehehe
About my personal teaching chuvanes naman…, I just finished my 5 consecutive Sunday meetings with different UNIDA church choir representatives at Noveleta, Cavite. My Basic Sight Reading class started last September 9 and ended last Sunday, October 14. Medyo nakakapagod ang byahe but it was so enjoyable kasi magaling yung mga choir. Sayang lang at maraming hindi naka-kumpleto ng 5 meetings. By the way, kasama ko din dito si Kuya Iggy na nagturo naman ng Voice at si Yda Moredo who assisted Kuya. Well, medyo nami-miss ko nga ang turo ko at ang mga people dun…hehehe Hope to see them again…
Also, just last week, October 12 / 7pm, I sang with Windsong sa isang evangelistic event sa New Millenium Evangelical Church, Manila. It’s so good to sing with them again, na-miss ko pala! Salamat sa pangungulit ni Maouie. We sang "You", "Ride the morning Winds" and "How Could You Say No". Of course, kinabahan akosh at ako lang ang alto! hehehe But by God’s grace okey naman ang kanta namin. After the event I went to Shaw Boulevard for my job interview at 10pm. Thanks to Maouie again, may kasabay akong lumipad doon. And guess what, I went home past 1am. Thanks to Cathie, ‘cuz she patiently waited for my job interview to finish, kaya may kasabay akong umuwi… God is so good!
Now that my Sunday afternoon is already free, I will be able to meet my MO7 discipleship group, finally, this coming Sunday. Marami na’kong utang sa kanila… Waaaaaaaahhhh!!! Sorry gals! Also, makaka-rehearse na ulit ako sa choir. Medyo nag-pahinga kasi muna ako..hehehe
But as 2008 is about to come, I’ve been praying for God’s leading and new direction for me in my work/ministry. Maraming new things sa buhay ko ngayon. As in alis ako sa ‘comfort zones’ ko! Kinda scary but by God’s grace i know I’ll manage… Whew! Well, let’s just wait and see….
…here’s a short devotional I made for our Prayer Solitude two months ago in CBC. This short devotional speaks of what’s in my heart that very day. I was able to finish it in just a few minutes. hehe Let me share it with you… :) – NIKKI –
"BECAUSE OF THE LORD’S GREAT LOVE WE ARE NOT CONSUMED, FOR HIS COMPASSIONS NEVER FAIL. THEY ARE NEW EVERY MORNING; GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS." Lamentations 3:22-23
What consumes you right now? Is it a recent problem at home? At work? A broken relationship beyond repair? Fear of the future? Wrong decisions made? Unforgiving heart? Unmet expectations? Hmmmmmmm….. Just take time to ponder the things that seem to consume you lately.
Whatever it is or they are, one thing is sure — we will NOT be consumed because of God’s great love that is greater than any of our problems. The truth is we need not carry all these with us. All we need is ask forgiveness from God for all our sins and for carrying all these problem-baggages with us. Then cast all our cares to God for He cares for us. We need to remember that, by God’s amazing grace, all things are new every morning! We just have to choose to live it by faith. Indeed, our God will always be faithful even though we are unfaithful many times. The fact that God remains faithful — we can always praise Him, worship Him regardless of our circumstances — whether good or bad.
Now, take time to pray for the things you have pondered. As you pray for each problem-baggages, always acknowledge that God is faithful and that He is greater than any of these problems. Cast it all to him and then let go…
It’s been quite awhile since my last blog. I celebrated my birthday silently. Far from the noise of this world. I have lots of things in my mind lately. But it’s kinda very personal that’s why I was silent here for the past few weeks. It’s better to just keep it for awhile. ‘Cuz there are certain things that can be easily shared with just anybody. But what’s been in my mind lately requires sensitivity and a tender heart for those who will know what’s inside my mind and most of all — my heart!
Behind my smiles are discouragements and frustrations. And I’ll be a liar if I will tell you that I’m not struggling and crying from time to time. Crying is kinda hard for me to do. But somehow a good cry do restore my senses back to normal…
But God is faithful! He is Sovereign! With these great truths I can persevere (by His grace)… He knows when to uplift me, encourage me and to inspire me. I can still remember the last time I already told God, "God enough na po… Hindi ko na talaga kaya…" I was so grateful that He allowed me to feel His presence that time — all the more. I was able to enjoy my Basic Sight Reading workshop at Cavite two Sundays ago. His grace was so evident in me that time — and always will be…
Hmmmmmmmm…. I always speak my mind — but not this time… It’s better to keep silent and just keep my conversations between me and God. Because with God I know He understands me so perfectly…
God, please enable me to persevere for Your glory! In Jesus’ name I pray — AMEN!!! 
God’s perspective on our future is this: "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him" (James 1:12). That’s a great promise. It encourages us that things will change; whatever we feel stuck in now isn’t permanent.
But this promise also reminds us that change requires perseverance. It doesn’t usually happen overnight. God honors loving obedience and faith that can stick it out over time. And the reward for enduring is a crown of life.
— Chip Ingram
Celphones break. Apples rotten. A disciplined runner can get tired and eventually retire. Even a bunch of red and white roses may wither and lose its beauty after a few more days had passed. However, an ugly worm can turn into a stunning butterfly. A blank canvass can turn into an incredible painting. Squeezed grapes that’s been stored for years can turn into a perfect-elegant wine. And rocks can turn into dazzling diamonds…
Haah! There’s still more to this life, no matter how tough it can get. No matter if you’re about to break. God’s grace is evident indeed! It grants us life! How? Grace saved me from hell. Grace sustains me as I live my life in this dying and sinful world. Grace keeps me running and going. But grace upon grace? Well, that’s another thing. As Joni Eareckson Tada says in her book, “Now, that’s breathtaking! His grace upon grace not only lets me live, His grace lets me serve, it lets me worship, it lets me take His name as my own, it called me by name, it grants me fulness of life…”
This is grace indeed — as a new chapter in my life is about to unfold. The problems that darted me these past few months is still unresolved and without a closure. All situations remain the same despite my faithful pleadings and obedience to God. But one thing is for sure, He is doing something for His glory in each unclosed situation. He has His own perfect timing for all of it. Moreover, what He did for the past months (and is still doing) was not what I’ve prayed for (and has been praying for) — He changed me from the inside out… And so I changed my prayer and prayed for what God has wanted me to pray for instead — that He would grant me continually His grace upon grace ‘til I become the person that He wants me to be.
Now, it is very clear to me that I need to make big adjustments and right decisions (by God’s grace) to be able to join God in His work to the fullest. It’s exciting, indeed, though it will also be hard and uncomfortable. But with God, I know I can!
“But forget all that – it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
For I AM about to do a brand-new thing. See, I hve already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness for my people to come home. I will create rivers for them in the desert!”
Isaiah 43:18,19
Dear God, nobody knows the secret pains and grief within me that are so overwhelming. But You know them all too well. Right now, I am surrounded by exhaustive circumstances — ready to deplete me ’til I am but no more. Yet, i can always hope in You, my ever present God!
Everything around me seem so shaky and are about to break and fall down. Around me are like worthless chaff that are about to be scattered by the wind. Yet what makes me stand still is the truth of who You are — You, God, is my refuge! I can always hide in the shadow of your wings when the enemy’s arrows are all darting on me. And You will be my Healer — healing me from all the wounds that the arrows had caused.
Thank You so much that I can always cast all my concerns upon You, knowing very well that You care for me incomparably! I can always come to you & share all the deepest desires of my heart.
God, carry me in Your arms because I’m so tired of fighting. I know I don’t need to quit, i just need to let You fight my battles because I cannot fight using my own strength and armor. It has to be Your strength and Your armor that i should be using in facing each of my life’s battles. I am deeply wounded right now. Fight for me, my God!
Also, please cause me also to live one day at a time. Cause me to move in Your Spirit, pray unceasingly and look to You for grace daily. Allow me to rise above my circumstances for the glory of Your name alone!
I Love you too , my dear and faithful God! Thank You for being Sovereign — in control of all circumstances. Indeed, the whole world is in Your hands!
Forever Yours, NIKKI…..
